The dark side of self-care

Taking care of yourself. If you’re a caregiver, healthcare worker, or missionary, you may have already been introduced to the idea of self-care. Wikipedia defines the concept as “the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.” It’s really important for mental health and holistic well-being. All of that sounds really positive, even essential, right? But…what if it becomes an unhealthy practice? What if I’ve twisted self-care into self-indulgence?

                

Here’s my confession: I just** went on a short overseas trip, from Niger to London, for 5 days. The primary purpose was to attend an occupational therapy course on treating pediatric hands. During that time, I read my Bible once, didn’t attend or listen to any worship services, and didn’t even listen to worship music. I prayed a couple times a day but they were what we in the Family call “fly-by” prayers. I was completely self-absorbed, totally focused on my agenda for this long-anticipated respite from the heat, dust, noise and stress of Niger, in full “self-care mode.” I was going to do everything that I wanted to do, without anyone else asking me to do anything, and I was going to enjoy the cold temperatures and the public amenities and the tourist attractions and every gluten-free thing I could find. (All accomplished, by the way.)

I find myself struggling to remember to make space for God when I go on trips, or during times of transition, when I’m out of my routine and/or in a new place, because I’m incredibly devoted to habits. I’m also a spazz who multi-tasks at all times (example: while I’m getting dressed I’m probably also making coffee, feeding the dogs, checking messages, and gathering the therapy supplies I need to take with me that morning…maybe even starting laundry or the crockpot). I want to want to spend time with God, and if I don’t there’s something off-balance or missing, but there doesn’t seem to be a lot of space in my head for sitting down with Him. I just forget to do it.

I was thankful that even if I seemingly forgot Him, wrapped up as I was in 5 days of self-indulgence, He didn’t forget me. I had faith-centered conversations with my Airbnb hostess, my London airport driver, a fellow overseas worker, a lady in a gluten-free café, and a fellow traveler returning to Niger. I pray that more opportunities for such conversations will occur naturally during my work in Niamey.

One idea that I came up with to combat my lack of attention to Grace was to download more worship music and listen to it more often (especially in the car). And I’m also spending more time writing in my journal, developing a habit of bringing it with me in case I find myself with downtime somewhere. Please keep me in your prayers as I seek refreshment and renewal for this season of life: living in the desert of Niger, finishing French language school** and transitioning to working full-time as the only occupational therapist in this country of 21 million people. If my cup is spiritually empty, I’m truly lost.

**note: I drafted this on Jan 29 and it's taken a few weeks to upload pics and get it published, due to internet struggles...since then, I've passed my French placement exam into Advanced level and I'm no longer in school. I've transitioned to full-time ministry. I also questioned myself several times over these weeks if I should actually publish something confessing that my spiritual practices wax and wane...after all, I'm a missionary. One of God's elite super-soldiers, right? Um, no. I'm just as flawed as anyone else. In case anyone thinks God has a ranking system, you should listen to my pastor's sermon on "A Hidden Ancestry" (Dec 16th), in which he reminds us that we are all rebels and rejects. "It's not about your goodness, it's about His grace." Thank you, Lord.

Wearing many hats

 Occupational therapist by day… high school teacher by afternoon… receptionist/cooking class instructor by night...

 I seem to have become a teacher overnight (my father’s mother would be proud, as she was an English teacher). I originally agreed, back in the fall, to help fill in the gap being left by a retiring reading resource specialist at Sahel Academy. This is a wonderful school here in Niamey with a Christ-centered mission,

to develop students through a holistic education of the highest quality while nurturing a Christ-like character and a heart of service.

 I originally planned that I would volunteer two afternoons per week, after seeing my therapy clients in the mornings, to assist 2 students in the Phonics First literacy program. Then, the bottom fell out for a dear couple who both teach at Sahel, forcing them to leave Niger during the first week of the new semester in order to pursue medical attention. And voila! I am now teaching three secondary school (high school) students, four afternoons per week: one in physics, one in biology, and one in reading/Phonics First. The curricula/syllabi are already laid out for the semester, so at least I don’t have to do an excessive amount of prep work, but I do need to prepare for each science lab, grade all the papers and tests, and juggle 2-3 students sharing my time during any given class period. It helps that I loved school, I’ve taught ESL so the phonics stuff is at least a little familiar, and I majored in biology in undergrad. The kids are also very willing to work. 

 Please pray that we can honor God and honor the Academy’s faith in me as we complete this semester together! Please pray for the couple on medical leave, that their doctors will swiftly determine the best course of action. As they just wrote in an update, "the more people praying, the better!"

 My "night job" started as a receptionist position at the Foyer Evangélique Universitaire (FEU) on Tuesdays, and I've also agreed to help on two Thursdays this semester with teaching the cooking class. I don't know anything about teaching cooking, but I do love to eat, and I like to think that I'm a good cook!! I will be brushing up on my kitchen vocabulary in French before my first class, February 7th! (Did I mention I have to teach in French??) There will be other instructors, my friends, there with me, to lend a hand if needed. Please pray that this goes well and that the women (up to 10) enjoy my recipes.

"Much to learn, you still have": Reflecting on 6 months in Niamey

At the end of November, I will have been here for 6 months. Besides "going away" to college (which was 86 miles from home, so I was able to visit whenever I wanted), this is the longest amount of time that I have been away from my family. I have been reflecting on a lot of the lessons that I've learned, both hard and good, both fun and surprising. Here are some of them:

Stormy's airplane limit is 5.5 hours in his pet carrier. He much prefers public transportation, such as buses and trains.

On the train in Paris

Keys to surviving hot season in Niger: air-conditioned movie theater, battery-powered fan, cooling pads, keeping the ice tray full, pool membership, kiddie pool (for when the pool is closed), occasional rehydration drinks (1 tsp sugar, pinch of salt, juice of 1 small lime or 1/2 lemon in a full glass of water)...

I can be convinced to become a cat person.


Indian curry potato chips. Enough said.

"I know I have no power to change an individual's worldview." -Kate McCord, In the Land of Blue Burqas. I'm reading this book alongside other new missionaries and our mentors, and it's not necessarily a new lesson, but a good reminder, that my job is to share love and hope and let the Holy Spirit do the work of transformation.

It can hail in the middle of the desert.


Everything is not as it seems. This one hurts my heart to share, but since it is firsthand experience, I will say it. Samaritan's Purse has had a strong ministry here for many years, and they do varied and wonderful things, like support our local pastors. Without knowing who exactly is to blame, friends here have found Operation Christmas Child shoeboxes for sale in the local markets. And it's not only here; friends of friends have reported the same story in Kenya. I would just like to advise that if you'd like to donate material things, like clothes and toys, your local organizations are far better equipped to distribute them. When you desire to contribute to a project overseas, we can generally be more efficient and effective if you would give a monetary donation, and we could use that to buy supplies locally.

As a woman in Niger, you're not fully dressed unless you're wearing earrings. I really need to keep an "emergency pair" in my purse, in case I forget to put them on in the morning! It's a good thing that I'm not married, because in some cultures here, a married woman who neglects to wear earrings is signaling that her husband has died.

My collection has grown considerably...

Stormy is excellent at hide-and-seek. He waits and I hide, then he finds me. It's adorable.

Nigeriens take things quite literally. For example, if you ask an American schoolboy or -girl what color is the sky, 99% would say blue (except that cheeky one). A Nigerien of any age will tell you that the sky is white. When I look up, I have to agree! The Nigerien sky is usually white!

I've enjoyed learning many styles of tying head scarves!

Africans place a high value on the gift of "presence" even if the language barrier cannot be breached. When a widow is grieving, you go and sit at her house. When it's meal time, you share with coworkers or friends. Silence is OK, it's the sitting that counts.

Asking a taxi driver in Niamey to show up at 8:40am means he might come by 9:30am, but only if you call to remind him at least 2 times.

I can make kombucha...the gift that keeps on giving! (With each batch brewed, the scoby grows, and can be passed onto a friend to brew his/her own batch!)

Ice cube trays aren't just for making ice. I have frozen chicken broth in them (to save for recipes or for a treat for Stormy) and used them to make protein balls!

It takes about 950,000F cfa to throw a wedding ceremony in Niger (just under $1,700 US), which could take a man employed full-time in Niamey up to 2 years to save.

Just because I can now understand French, doesn't mean that I can understand everyone's different French dialect/accent...

Represented here are French speakers from America, Niger, France, and Germany

One of my favoritest things here is the clothes shopping process, which involves 1) mental preparation for sensory overload, 2) taking a friend (and possibly the friend's husband as driver/bag carrier) to a local market to pick out fabric, 3) getting ideas for what you want made from other ladies or pictures online, 4) going to the tailor to have him/her take measurements and create the items in EXACTLY your size, and 5) picking them up and trying them on to be sure they fit as expected. No more seeing something and thinking it's cute on the hanger, but discovering it looks horrible on you! It's the tailor's responsibility to tweak each thing until you're happy with the fit.


There is a difference between spending time with the Lord with a motive/expectation, and spending time out of the joy of being in His presence. I recently read Lon Allison's biography of the Reverend Billy Graham, "An Ordinary Man and His Extraordinary God," and it is said that Billy regretted spending too much time studying the Word with an agenda, always thinking of preparing for his next sermon, and not enough time simply BEING with the Lord. This resonated with me and I'm trying to examine my emotions and capture my thoughts before sitting down.

Are you like a pumpkin?

Over a week ago, my friends and I gathered for what we called “Fall Festivities.” We brought potluck dinner and I helped decorate the table with an appropriate theme!

One friend brought all the pumpkins (well, squash, anyway) and after dinner, the carving commenced! We are quite an international group, so we Americans tried to explain to those from Australia, Italy, Brazil, Ethiopia, how we traditionally celebrate Halloween in the US. We shared some of our favorite costumes (mine was a bag of jellybeans, which I made from a clear dry cleaning bag stuffed with inflated colorful water balloons) and reminisced about favorite candy. 

I made vegan caramel apples (remarkably easy and delicious recipe here!) and apple cider for everyone. (Later at home I also made my first ever batch of apple butter from the leftover pulp—yum!)

 After that evening, I came across this lovely analogy of carving pumpkins to God’s work of sanctification in our lives:

• God picks you from the patch and brings you in (John 15:16),

• Then He washes all the dirt off of you (2 Corinthians 5:17),

• He opens you up and scoops out all the yucky stuff, removing the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc (Romans 6:6),

• Then He carves you a new smiling face (Psalm 71:23),

• And He puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see (Matthew 5:16).

Christians kidnapped in Africa

We rejoice that our brother Andrew Brunson has been released from a Turkish prison! He was arrested on false charges of treason and imprisoned for two years, because he is a Christian missionary. Now I ask for prayers for two other Christians held against their will: Jeff Woodke and Father Pierluigi Maccalli.

Photo credit: Facebook/Blaise Gaidout

Jeff is an American missionary who was working with the Niger branch of YWAM. He was abducted from a northern village on October 14, 2016, and was only recently confirmed alive. Today marks 2 years since he was taken. Please pray for his safety and health, for the negotiation of his return, and for his wife, Els Woodke.

Photo credit: Society of African Missions

Father Pierluigi is an Italian Catholic priest who had been working in a small village called Bomoanga near the Burkina Faso border since 2002. According to a Niamey newspaper, he was well-loved in the village because he cared for all of their children as his own, feeding the hungry and organizing medical evacuations for those who needed surgeries outside of Niger's limited hospital resources. He had built a small church in the village that was known as the "Basilica of the Poor," and it is said that his door was open 24/7 to those who had need. He was abducted by militants between 9-10pm on September 17, 2018. Please pray that he can return unharmed to his village.

You might wonder, what is SIM Niger's response to such attacks against Westerners? We have two principles: pray, and act wisely. We turn to Nehemiah 4:9, which says, "But we prayed to our God and guarded the city day and night to protect ourselves." We pray AND we post guards. We lock our doors, we don't travel into dangerous areas unless absolutely necessary, we keep an eye out for unusual activity, we register with the US Embassy, we don't go out alone after dark. I'm willing to be here because God has led me here, but I also don't take unnecessary risks. I always appreciate your prayers for my safety, and I pray for you, too; for protection from natural disasters, for an end to the gun violence in Chicago, for safety while traveling. Pray, and act wisely.

Healing changes everything

While I’ve been growing in ability and confidence with my French language study, I’ve been dipping my toes into my ministry here as an occupational therapist by making connections with healthcare professionals and the community of those living in Niamey with disabilities. I want to show you some of the places where great medical care is taking place, and where I hope to find learning opportunities and also pass on my expertise in rehabilitation.

 

Through my mentor Deb, I met Mr. Harouna Ousmane, a coach for the Niger Paralympics team and an advocate for the disabled community. He invited us to come to the games for the International Day of Peace on September 21, particularly to see the handbike races. On a morning that dawned a typical 90°F, the women raced around the soccer stadium three times, and the men, four times, propelled only by the strength of their upper bodies. People, the maximum exercise I’ve done in the Niamey heat is strolling around the stadium two times, okay? I probably couldn’t even make it half a kilometer in a handbike.

The next week, Mr. Harouna Ousmane introduced us to his contacts at the National Hospital, who run a very impressive orthotic/prosthetic clinic, funded by the Red Cross of Geneva. We met Mr. Mohamed, a Moroccan orthotist in charge of the clinic, and Mr. Wage, the physiotherapist for the hospital. There are maybe six other staff working in the clinic, including two leather workers who make custom shoes and specialists in plaster and prostheses. I am hoping to develop a partnership with Mr. Mohamed in the future, so that I can learn more about prosthetics from such an esteemed expert.

For now, I’ve started working in the therapy departments at CURE Hôpital des Enfants au Niger and at Clinique Olivia. On Wednesday mornings, I go to CURE and work alongside their physiotherapist, Sodogaz, and his assistant, Saley. CURE is a pediatric hospital, run by a Christian NGO, and they primarily treat orthopedic conditions like Rickett’s, club foot, fractures, and cleft lip/palate. You can watch a documentary about CURE on YouTube by clicking here: "Modern Day Miracles." (If you don’t want to watch the whole thing, I highly recommend at least the first 6 minutes; you’ll hear the purpose and passion behind CURE and see some footage of CURE Niger.)

Issaka, Greg and Peace working with a patient

On Saturday mornings, I go to Clinique Olivia and work with Issaka, a blind physiotherapist. The Clinique and its nursing/physiotherapy school are supported by a local church and the majority of their staff are African. They have had difficulty finding qualified teachers for the physiotherapy program, but they have a partnership with an American university that will send professors here in January and February of 2019. For the past week we have also hosted Greg, an American PT who visits Niger every year, as he teaches us his skills in assessing and treating orthopedic injuries. I was spoiled because Peace was there to help translate for Greg, which meant I could get away with using translation, too; otherwise, as at CURE, I’m only speaking French with staff and patients. At the end of a few hours, my brain is overwhelmed!

The motto at CURE Niger is “La guerison change tout,” or “Healing changes everything,” and in this culture, it is especially true. Here in Niger, as in Jesus’ time, visible disabilities (whether physical or mental) are generally looked upon as a curse. Disabled people are unclean. Most Nigeriens believe that a child born with a disability or congenital deformity has either been cursed by Allah, the god of Islam, due to some sin the parents have committed, or he/she was cursed by a local shaman, paid by a vengeful neighbor or acquaintance in retribution for some offense the parents committed. As such, the child may be abandoned by his/her parents, or if not, surely shunned by the rest of the village; even if living in a city, people with disabilities are rarely given opportunities to go to school or to work and are often seen living and begging on the streets. Jesus welcomed all of these people into His presence. He touched the untouchables. And when he healed their physical wounds, he made their lives whole again. He changed everything (see Mark 5:25-34, Mark 1:40-45, John 9:1-12, Luke 5:17-39). As a healthcare professional, I can bring the same hope to Nigeriens for physical healing and acceptance into society. As a Christian, I can offer them so much more: the Living Water that forever satisfies, and a new identity as a child of God. I am so thankful for the opportunity to do both here in Niamey.

Home is where the heart is

"Home" means something different to everyone. It certainly takes on a variety of physical appearances. And some people say they come from a certain place, because they were born there, or they spent the majority of their childhood there, so that place is home because it played a significant part in their growing up. But I have been reflecting on the transience of home, in light of the characters of the Bible that struggled to find a place to stay: Moses and the Israelites, Abraham, Joseph, Ruth, David, Jesus, his 12 disciples, Paul, and the majority of the early Christian church who were persecuted and therefore scattered, running for their lives.

Listen to this passage that I've never previously noticed: "After this Paul left Athens and went to Corinth. And he found a Jew named Aquila, a native of Pontus, recently come from Italy with his wife Priscilla, because Claudius had commanded all the Jews to leave Rome. And he went to see them, and because he was of the same trade he stayed with them and worked, for they were tentmakers by trade" (Acts 18:1-3). Paul was called to the life of a roving missionary, but Aquila and Priscilla were called to a life as refugees, due to religious persecution. These misfits made a home together out of mutual love for God, shared careers, and sheer desperation. It makes me incredibly grateful to have arrived in Niamey with 10 trunks of possessions and an apartment waiting for me.

I know that I don't belong here, because many things about the cultures of various Nigerien people groups are so foreign to me, but at the same time it has been a long time since I've felt that I belonged in the United States of America. It probably began with my first overseas trip, to Ireland, in 2007. After that, I visited Egypt in 2008, Spain and Morocco in 2011, Costa Rica in 2013, and Ethiopia in 2014. And nothing "felt right" until I went to Soddo Christian Hospital, and the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart, "This could be home." But one thing led to another, and I'm on a slight detour to Niger before I can make it back to Soddo. But I finally set foot in the CURE pediatric hospital of Niamey two Thursdays ago, and there was a humming, a quickening of my spirit to connect with the Spirit of healing in that place. And I guess I'll never find a sense of belonging again, until I arrive in my heavenly home, but for now, I'm just happy to be a tentmaker with a place to ply my trade, tell my stories, and lay my head at the end of the day.